A Closer Look
AT THE SIGNS
Both Signs of Survival and Signs of Readiness are Important When it Comes to Toxic Stress, Trauma and Complex Trauma.
Most people don’t easily and immediately know they are struggling with toxic stress, trauma, or complex trauma- unless there was a clear, significant, life threatening event and they started struggling immediately afterward.
What’s more common is that they start feeling different or noticing things over time. They try to make things better but keep struggling despite their efforts.
After a while of being “stuck”, they wonder if maybe something deeper is going on.
So, they start trying to identify the signs of their struggle and figure out what they mean.
Maybe you can relate?
Signs of Survival
It can be a pretty hard thing to acknowledge when we’re struggling and stuck in survival no matter what’s happening.
Taking a look at the signs of Toxic Stress, Trauma and Complex Trauma can be very helpful in terms of making sense of what we might be experiencing.
The TABLEs below show the increasing signs and effects that are typically part of Toxic Stress, Post Traumatic Stress and Complex Trauma.
5 Things to Keep In Mind
- For a bunch of reasons (including that self-awareness is reduced by stress activation) recognition of toxic stress, trauma, and complex trauma can be tricky. Go slow and try to be open to seeing what’s really going on.
- Looking at the signs / symptoms can bring a mix of relief and overwhelm as we recognize what’s been happening without knowing where to start). Let yourself be in the mixed response while knowing that recovery is possible.
- The symptoms are going to look a little different for each person depending on their specific story and circumstances. Don’t try to fit yourself into a box of symptoms.
- Toxic stress, trauma and complex trauma are psychological injuries that impact us in all directions. Of course you’re struggling. Have care and self-compassion.
- Toxic stress, trauma and complex trauma are a nervous system response that happens beyond our control. They do not reflect lack or failure on our part. Give yourself support not reprimands.
Toxic Stress
Toxic Stress is when stress activation is heightened and prolonged.
Our nervous system is designed for short bursts of stress activation that resolve and return our systems back to calm. So, when we go through circumstances that result in heightened or prolonged stress activation, after a while the nervous system gets stuck and can no longer return itself to its resting state of calm.
There are countless personal and life circumstances that can result in toxic stress, whether intense experiences with difficult to tolerate stressors or a bunch of smaller stressful experiences that stack up.
When it occurs in certain circumstances, the result of toxic stress is sometimes called burnout or compassionate fatigue.
TOXIC STRESS SIGNS
- Feeling stressed out routinely or persistently.
- Being “on guard”, hypervigilant, jumpy, on alert, easily startled, repeating things to help yourself feel better,
- quick to anger, irritable, outbursts, aggressiveness, extreme worry and anxiety, impulsivity with words, decisions, actions.
- Thinking problems e.g., poor memory, focus, concentration, rigid thinking.
- Feeling numb or shut down .
- Having problems being settled or feeling calm, easily overwhelmed.
- A sense of overwhelm and inability to cope and maintain healthy functioning.
- Having trouble falling or staying asleep.
- Fatigue and exhaustion.
- Problems with digestion (bloating, constipation, irritable bowel etc.)
WHAT’S HAPPENING
These signs all point to a nervous system that is stuck in stress activation and a survival state.
The various neurochemicals that are part of stress activation impact different parts of our functioning.
So, when there is too much stress activation, it shows up in how we think, how we feel, how we take care of ourselves, how we relate to others, how we settle and cope, and how our body functions and regulates itself.
Trauma
Trauma is a lasting psychological, emotional and/or physiological response to a distressing event that overwhelms an individual’s ability to cope, causing fear, helplessness, and lasting negative effects on day to day functioning.
It typically involves a significant traumatic event or prolonged circumstances such as threatened death, serious injury, or sexual violence through direct experience, witnessing, learning that the event occurred to a close family member or friend, or experiencing repeated or extreme exposure of painful details of the traumatic event.
There is wide variability in what results as “trauma” or is “traumatizing” for someone, based on many factors such as vulnerability and available supports.
POST TRAUMATIC STRESS SIGNS
Includes Toxic Stress Signs plus these items.
- Distressing memories, flashbacks, triggering and sudden changes of state, recurring memories of painful experiences, upsetting or disturbing dreams.
- Avoiding painful memories, thoughts, feelings, external reminders, dealing with problems and difficult parts of life, difficulty tolerating painful things.
- Using escape, fantasy or addictive tendencies e.g., overworking, substances, food, gambling, gaming, pornography, shopping, sleep, devices/social media etc.
- Feeling out of body, missing time.
- Problems managing or handling emotions, swings in mood.
- Assessing the “safety” of people/situations differently than most others.
- Operating from survival based emotional learning and belief systems e.g., “I’m not safe”, “It’s all my fault”, “No one can be trusted”.
- Sadness, and unrecognized and unprocessed grief and loss.
- Moral and spiritual questioning and distress.
- Struggles to acknowledge and or come to terms with betrayals, unfairness and injustice.
WHAT’S HAPPENING
The nervous system has become overwhelmed and is stuck in a survival state, affecting many parts of functioning.
The unresolved traumatic event/circumstance is being triggered, causing distress that feels like it is from the here and now.
Without knowing how to resolve the internal distress, avoidance is used to cope and keep functioning.
The unprocessed traumatic event/circumstance has altered core beliefs and emotional learning, causing things to feel unsafe.
Complex Trauma
Complex Trauma is the experience of multiple, chronic, and prolonged traumatic events- often interpersonal in nature- typically occurring early in life, such as abuse, neglect, or caregiver abandonment. It differs from single-incident trauma by profoundly disrupting a person’s development, sense of self, and ability to form secure attachments.
There is long list of circumstances that have been linked to the potential of complex trauma such as: prenatal or other medical trauma; physical, emotional, psychological, and/or sexual abuse, family violence, emotional or physical neglect, parental substance abuse; mental illness; incarceration; parental death or caregiver abandonment; parental divorce especially high conflict, chronic poverty or food insecurity; bullying or prolonged peer rejection; struggling with learning difficulties; community violence; macro or accumulated microaggressions; and intergenerational trauma. Of course, factors such as frequency, severity, and vulnerability increase likelihood of complex trauma, while supports can be mitigating.
COMPLEX TRAUMA SIGNS
Includes Toxic Stress and Trauma Signs plus these items.
- Difficulty concentrating, fantasy seeking, compartmentalizing, dissociating.
- Stimulation seeking and excessive risk taking.
- Negative self-concept and/or sense of shame that shows up in self-criticism, perfectionism, self-destructiveness, underachieving, avoiding mistakes or accountability, feeling bad when something good happens, comparison with others.
- Compromised mind-body and mind-spirit relationship.
- Abstinence and denying self of basic needs e.g., food, heat, as well as play, comfort and occasional luxuries
- Issues with coherent identity, sense of self, feeling fragmented, splitting.
- Learned helplessness, poor efficacy and low empowerment.
- Self-harm and/or suicidal thoughts, plans, attempts.
- Addictions and other means of managing internal distress.
- Presence of somatic distress/somatization of illness, chronic illnesses and pain conditions e.g., migraines, GI problems, autoimmune disorders, chronic fatigue, obesity, heart disease etc.
- Trauma adaptations such as people pleasing, entitlement, caretaking, aggression, self-abandonment.
- Impaired attachment compromising the development of healthy, reciprocal relationships e.g., anxiously seeking excessive closeness and reassurance, avoidant of vulnerability, commitment and connection; disorganized between anxious and avoidant, trauma bonding and staying committed to harmful others.
- Betrayal blindness around the various kinds of harms one has experienced and their impact.
- Repeating and reenacting harmful relationships, patterns, behaviors.
WHAT’S HAPPENING
Without knowing how to resolve the significant internal distress; avoidance, stimulation and pleasure seeking, and/or self harm are used to cope and keep functioning.
The prolonged stress activation resulted in alterations in the brain’s functioning and neurochemistry. It also narrowed the window of tolerance for handling stress and acted like a kindling process, contributing to the development of illness.
The prolonged state of internal distress and survival negatively impacted key parts of development affecting identity, self-concept, and empowerment.
The interpersonal nature of the trauma affected the development of secure attachment and the foundations of healthy relationship skills.
The unprocessed trauma(s) translated into subconscious emotional learning and core beliefs that supported survival but became limiting once the circumstances passed.
Even once someone bravely recognizes that they are likely experiencing Toxic Stress, Trauma, or Complex Trauma, they aren’t usually immediately ready to reach out for support.
Sometimes, the recognition can provide a little bit of relief for awhile.
In reality, readiness is a process.
It takes time.
It takes sitting with our circumstances, and the reality of our day to day functioning, while preparing ourselves.
Signs of Readiness
Readiness to start counselling when it comes to Toxic Stress, Trauma, and Complex Trauma usually comes down to two things.
We have to reach the point where we need or want to stop the struggle and/or we want to gain or regain some of the good stuff in life.
In truth, no one ever feels fully ready.
They just feel ready enough to try. That’s often all it takes. A few seeds of readiness to work with.
You can explore and work with the different pieces of readiness below to see where you’re at and help yourself move closer.
I Want to Stop the Struggle.
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Top reasons to stop the struggle of Toxic Stress, Trauma, and Complex Trauma by seeking support.
1. I am stuck in survival and how I try to cope with it affects almost every aspect of my functioning.
2. I am caught in vicious cycles and repetitive patterns that I can’t seem to break out of.
3. The survival symptoms and functioning compromise how I feel about myself and how I relate to others, especially as a partner and/or a parent.
4. There is fall out in other areas of my life such as work, money, lifestyle, and health.
5. My development has already been thwarted, or I realize that so long as I am stuck in survival, I am not growing and moving forward.
I Want to (Re) Gain the Good Stuff.
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Top reasons to gain or regain the good stuff when it comes to Toxic Stress, Trauma, and Complex Trauma by seeking support.
1. Settling and reversing symptoms such that I can return to calmness, clarity, and connection.
2. Being able to move in a forward direction within myself and my life.
3. Restoring my sense of self and then bringing that into my roles and relationships.
4. Seeking positive consequences as I move forward from a healthier place.
5. Growing and developing (including catching up in places where I was thwarted) so I can create from my potential.